Tuesday, June 23, 2015

That dream.

Huh. Had an odd dream in the early hours of Saturday. It shook me, actually.

In those weird, early, birds chirping but the sun isn't quite up, hours I had a weird dream. A dream I was tempted to drink again. It's cloudy. I've never been good about retaining details of dreams beyond a few hours, but the feeling has stayed with me. Anger and annoyance. I feel like there is a part of my brain messing with me. Daylight me doesn't want to drink. At all. Really. It's amazing.
But, sleepy me needs to work out her stuff. And I remember being prodded to drink. Was it from a friend or loved one, or myself? Can't be sure. I do remember that I was telling myself (in the dream)...don't do it. It wasn't so much a scary nightmare and a panic. I woke up feeling pissy at myself.

Then, Sunday night, had another weird dream. A consumption dream, but not alcohol. I remember I was in a foreign land and I wanted to buy something, anything, from that place. Must buy something. I bought boots, like sneakerish Doc Martens, because they were from this place and on final sale, no returns. Bought them and put them on. I felt like there was dirt or something in them, so I took them off, removed the insoles and shook them. A tiny mouse and babies fell out of the left shoe. Not scurrying mice, but kind of clumped together, like she'd just had those baby mice. I had a faceless friend stick their hand in and clear the mice out so I could put them on. Then, when I did (gross, what the hell?) I realized they were a size and a half big and and didn't match exactly. But they were final sale, so I had to keep them.

So, in conclusion, alcohol-free dreams are messed up.

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